Saturday, March 6, 2010

So there is that.

The windows are open in my apartment for the first time.  Warmish-air is actually flowing in here, and it feels almost surreal.

I wonder how long it's been since they've been truly opened.  I realized I have double-pane glass, and two screens, and all this leads to the bars that are firmly in place outside the window.  It sort of looks like I'm in jail, but I'm not complaining one bit because city life is tough and I need all the bars against the badness that I can get.

My own window has cracked open a little bit too.  I feel better almost every day.  I am dating someone's very, very new but we're going on our third date tonight and we're going to the movies, which makes me think of high school and I seriously wondered today if we would hold hands or not.  Yes, I'm officially back to being 12. ;) 

The beginning of spring is a little unnerving for me, in a way.  It was winter so early this year, and I remember being cold in September.  September is when everything happened for me, and when my journey of making this move began.  It was the beginning of the 7 weeks when I didn't know if I would move here, or to Maine, or anywhere at all.  It was Christmas, and packing the car and packing box after box and unpacking them too.  I have worn my winter coat and gloves through it all, and then through three blizzards.  I watched 3 feet of snow pile on top of my patio furniture--furniture that I can now see outside my window completely clean.

Spring to me feels like not a new beginning this year.  But rather, maybe the end of my new beginning and that it's time for everything else.  For not being afraid to take on new challenges, to keep trying to fall out of love, to be open to falling in love with someone else and making that love to be something that's REAL.  And that could be something.

I also ran today for the first time....I really miss the aboretum in Kentucky where I used to run.  It was the sunshine, the trees, the flowers, etc that combined to make me feel comforted and energized beyond the run itself.  Running the city streets isn't the same, but it's not altogether bad either.  Like everything, it'll take some getting used to.

The job is going pretty well--we had a big meeting yesterday that was a sound success, and we tromped downstairs to the bar to let our boss buy us beers.  I met a friend just afterwards, and was pretty far gone by 8pm ;)  I came home, laid down, and proceeded to sleep 12 hours.  It was wonderful.

So there is that--my world today.  Of fresh dry cleaning and running down city streets, of hot tea and of third dates. 

Farmer's market tomorrow where I will buy flowers.  And I will post them here to show all of you, and to dedicate their colors, their brightness, to all of you and how much you light you bring into my life when it's dim. 

Thank you.


Bethany said...

Love this post SJ. I love the end of the new beginning. You really have been tromping though. These have been some rough months. Enjoy your date. I hope you do hold hands. That's not 12, it's sweet. Looking forward to your farmer's market finds, esp the flowers!
So glad you're feeling better and cracking open those windows.

Bethany said...

oh, and you ran! Wow. VERY impressed.

Ms. Moon said...

And thank-you. It is always cheering to hear good news from someone you care about. You deserve some warmth, some color, some fun.
(And I hope you held hands.)

Angie Muresan said...

Oh, I am so happy and excited for you SJ! Hold hands.

TheAbsolutPINK said...

man. i keep missing the big news. but i have to say - i do try to keep calling you. one of these times - you'll pick up and tell me this stories in "person." I'm happy for you, stephiej.