"Just let me hold you while I'm falling apart...just let me hold you, and we'll both fall down."
It's not a very good night for me tonight.
I had a fine day--kinda good, actually. I got alot done, and my cable is now hooked up and I'm all caught up on all my errands.
I guess I just spent too much time on my own, and that always affects me this way. I wrote a long post, and then just saved it for later, deciding it was too depressing.
Why do we have such a need to alert others when we feel down? When we are depressed, sad, whatever? All it does is bring others down, and yet we reach out to those we love and try to use them as ladders as to climb ourselves out the dark place. But all we do is drag them down into the hole with us.
And we'll both fall down.
I am going to bed in a few, and hoping that tomorrow is a better day. I think the sun is supposed to be out, and I am going to walk even though it'll still be in the 30's. But I know myself, and I know my body needs to be in sync with my mind and we both need to move.
Today I didn't lean on anyone--no one needs to come down here with me. They don't need to feel this uncertainty, this loneliness, the fear that comes with just not knowing what the future holds. Will I ever find anyone? Will I ever get to the point where I'm close to the life I want to be living?
No one needs to be down here with me. But sometimes, I wish someone was.