I'm Alive

And here. 

I have been reading, not so great at commenting.  I had a "secret" weekend where I went to Kentucky solely to visit a friend and didn't mention to anyone in my family.  I've had so much time at home, with them, but not at all enough time with friends since I left.  In fact, no one else even knew I was there except my sister, and I was able to sneak over to surprise my nephew for a few hours.  It was heavenly to get that boy into my arms for a little while, and to rub my sisters pregnant belly and feel a baby kick that will kick me in person next time I am near him.

But mostly -I relaxed.  I went to a baseball game.  I laid on the couch with my friends' arms wrapped around me and we ate pizza and watched movies. 

We had big talks.  Talks about our futures, and about things that are happening for us both.  Her life is complicated, and her story is not mine to tell.  We have been ingrained in each others lives for a few years now, and good god, have we been through some stormy times --affair(s), divorce, a move, a family fallout.  Everyday tragedies --keys locked in the car (twice), snowstorms, sicknesses.

Things on both our ends that we can't even discuss with anyone else and we press our secrets into each others hands with an urgency as we lay there, and with it passes an understanding that we are that safe place for one another.

But, safe harbors even have waves, and we've had a few of those lately.  We are entering a time period in which both our lives are set to change again, and our stories are way too deep to get into tonight.  I am pulling away while she grabs me back and reminds me that yes, things change, but they don't change love and when you have a safe place, you don't leave it that easily. 

We whisper reminders in the dark.