Sunday, August 2, 2009

Sore Arms

When I have the very tired muscles on Sunday night, you know I've just spent a weekend at home with the family and extended family and friends and toddlers. Many toddlers. My friends' kids and then of course my 3 biggest fans (aged 1, 2 and 3) who clamor for me to pick them up Non.Stop.

Of course, I love it. I also love spending so much time with my sisters and for the beer/bonding that ensues til 3am everytime we get together like that. I spent some time with a very old friend & her daughters on Saturday too, and we had a good time playing catch-up and for once I didn't feel guilty about not spending "more" time with her -- sometimes, there just isn't enough time in the day to everything you want to do, no matter how good the intentions.

And instead of assigning blame or guilt, I'm just going to go forward and see who I can, when I can. To cherish just having the opportunity to do remain a part of their lives, and also to be able to watch my friends and I age into new roles as we keep on getting older.

Change, and rearrange.

We swam, fished and set off fireworks and after the kids went to sleep, my sisters and I headed to a cousin's house and we stayed up til the wee hours. I am running on empty exhaustion this afternoon.

It was one of those weekends where I wonder how on earth I could be unhappy here with all this love that surrounds me. As much as I sometimes carry on and on about feeling like the "fifth wheel" because I'm the only one without a kid, and as much as I sometimes feel smothered by the sheer amount of people in my families, I know they love me fiercely and I need to appreciate and acknowledge that more often.

It's August. Sweet, sticky, hot and buggy August. 'August and Everything After' is the name of the Counting Crows album that holds the song this blog was named after.

But, it's not raining in Kentucky today, and everything else isn't the same.

Tomorrow is a new day. A second chance to take a second glance at how I'm reacting to things and situations in my life these days, and what I can do to make it better and make it more productive.

It's time. It's time for August.

And, time for everything after.


adrienne said...

amazing how some time with loved ones can bring such courage to look one's life square in the eyes and see the beauty as well as the bits that need to be arranged.

glad you soaked up some love.

Ms. Moon said...

You are not a fifth wheel. You are part of the machinery required to move the family along. You are the soft part, the nurturer who doesn't HAVE to nurture, but chooses to out of love. Do you know how important that is?

SJ said...

adrienne- So glad you stopped by! It really is amazing how sated you feel after some time with those who really love you -but I won't lie, sometimes I leave completely exhausted too =)

Ms Moon- Yes, I know most of the time. And it very much helps to be reminded by you. I always try to be that soft place where they can's all I can do.