Saturday, August 29, 2009

Saving Lives

It's been a bit, oh, maudlin at the blog de SJ this month. So I thank you all for muddling through with me. August always seems to be difficult for me, and I just don't know why. But, as in all things, there was sweetness to be found.

There is a "country" song (I use quotations because its one of those so-called cross-over songs that are played on pop radio too) called "Every Day" by Rascall Flatts. I hate country music anymore, even though old country still gives me shivers when I hear the fiddle and steel. Absolutely nothing beats bluegrass music in making me feel alive and connected to all things and this is just in my Monroe bloodline.

Anyway, this is one of the few country songs that I do actually like, and there is a line in the above song that goes "Sometimes the place I go is so deep and dark and desperate, I don't know how every day you save my life." This song basically is dedicated to the person in your life who "saves" it every day just by being there. This song used to make me think of someone, and it obviously doesn't anymore. It was on the radio this week and upon hearing it, I angrily switched the station and muttered in the car "Every day, I save my own damn life."

Thus inspiring the cheerful post below ;)

There are times I feel so alone, it's hard to breathe. But it always passes because I know it's temporary.

I don't have one person in my life who saves it every god, I am so much luckier than that. I have lots & lots of people who make my life a better one every single day.

Every day, my "good morning" emails & banter with two friends save my life until I log off every afternoon. My co-workers who call from the other side of the office to say they miss me save my life. My side-by-side cubicle buddy who says my boss is awfully lucky to have me saves my life. The pictures on my desk of the kids, the texts that come all day, the lunches out. Going out with friends after work, swimming with my nephew, and as crazy as it sounds, this blog does.

My best friends save my life. My families do.

These things all make me crazy sometimes, too. But ultimately, all these things work in harmony to save my life by reminding me that it is worth something. By giving me reasons to laugh and make jokes and wake up every morning to do it all over again. They remind me that they love me, they know me, things don't function without me.

For some reason, it is so easy for me to forget that. And I think maybe God or the universe knows that I'm not fit to have just one person in my life to save it every day. Instead, I have back-up.

I went on a date this week with a new guy, and I think it went pretty well. He's doing the call every-day thing, which overwhelms me a little bit, as it always does. I told a friend "It seems like every single guy I go to dinner with wants to jump in with both feet right away, and calls me all the time...I really don't know why I attract guys like that." She said - "I think it's got more to do with the person they're sitting across the table from."

Life: saved.

It's 70 degrees and sunny outside, and I am going to a wedding later. I slept til ten today, ate a fried egg sandwich and am on my second cup of tea. I am going to run in a little while along this path...and I'll look up at the sky and remember to give thanks.


Kori said...

I liked you and loved this post until the whole fried egg sandwich line. Because I really just can't be friends with someone who runis perfectly good bread putting an EGG on it. Really.

all joking aside, I love this post because I am blessed enough to have people like that, some online and a very few in real life, who do keep my head about the water pretty much all day long. how lucky, lucky, lucky we are in that, aren't we?

And the date thing? Just-let it be for a minute. breathe. And reliaze that just maybe he likes you, and maybe you might come to like him back. Maybe not, maybe not, but don't let daily calling stop you from giving him a chance.

Ms. Moon said...

Yes. This was a beautiful post. And I am glad that you have so many people who save your life every day.
I know exactly what you mean.
And I love when you said, "I save my own damn life every day." Because you do- you choose, every day, to go on and live it.
Keep doing that. Don't be afraid to see where the different paths take you. There is no one path, there is only the path you are on.

SJ said...

Kori, can we be friends if its 88 cent bread from Kroger that I'm putting this egg on? :) And I know what you mean, my online friends help sometimes just as much as the "real life" (it's all relative) ones do. Very lucky, indeed. And I am trying to's so like me to over-analyze, though. I am trying to do better.

Ms Moon - you are part of the path, and I thank you for that. You help me realize the good things and want to recognize them.

TheAbsolutPINK said...

love this one. and glad to see progress happening inside and out. You deserve it. And someone calling you everyday doe seem overwhelming sometimes in the beginning, i get that. But i think the person who told you that it had a more to do with YOU than him is exactly right. You are a catch my dear. :)

adrienne said...

oh, to run along that beautiful path under that beautiful blue sky.

and to be surrounded by living breathing community.

i get the sense your friend is right; of course the men call you everyday. i imaging you're perfectly lovely.

SJ said...

Adrienne--I imagine you are, too :)