Sunday, October 26, 2014

More months than I thought it's been

Since I sat down to update this space. I can't seem to walk away from this small corner of the internet that's mine, although I can't help but wonder if its shelf life has expired. I like having the archives that chronicle the last several years of my life, knowing all that I'm not writing between the lines, although it's often painful for me to go back and read them.

Five years ago this month, I got job offers coming at me in all directions--all in the middle of the recession, and the worst financial time that my generation has experienced. I worked in a niche area of healthcare policy, and that niche area had been embedded into Obama's stimulus package of 2009. Everyone who knew anything about this was suddenly highly marketable. It was a flash in the pan moment for me and my fledgling "career" --only 6 years out of college at that time --and the likes of which I will likely ever see again my lifetime.

Five years ago this month, I took a deep breath and made the difficult decision to move back to Washington, D.C.

Five.

I've lived in my little apartment in my vibrant bustling city for longer than I've ever lived anywhere in my life. My career has skyrocketed to a level I could never have envisioned--I don't regret that decision for a minute. I am well-known in my field, and we're winding down. Mission accomplished, so to speak, in a lot of ways. It's changing, pulling me down into the depths of which I'm not sure I want to go.

I've grown more than I ever have (in more than ways than one, and I should look very seriously at Weight Watchers in my future!). I am a different person than I was--and that's life as it should be.


"And the walls came tumbling down in the city that we love." 

I'm typing this sitting on an airport floor, outside gate 38, waiting to board a plane to Louisville so that I can have a four-hour long job interview tomorrow. I think there's a good chance I'll get it (I know the woman I'd be working for, or else I wouldn't be nearly this sure), and thus a good chance my life will turn on its head and a new chapter will begin.

Or it won't. And that's ok too, but I am ready to get home. I think I am destined, as a child of divorce, to always feel torn between two homes. DC has been my home for many, many years and I will cry a lot over the next month as I pack up my life again to journey back to my Kentucky home. There is no guarantee, but I've been asking the universe (quite literally, out loud) to bring me something good. Please, let something good happen.

In an attempt to control things I can control, I decided to dye my hair brown, as it finally became clear it was turning under those blonde highlights I kept putting in. Embracing the physical changes, the emotional ones, for what's next.

Cross your fingers.

"And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you've been here before?"









6 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

My heart's desire and wish is that you get this job. I love your new hair.
But what i really love is you.
I have been in awe of you since you were about what? Five? It's been that long, right?
Always...Mary

Mel said...

I hope you get what you want, and that you are happy wherever you end up. I think it would be nice for you to be closer to family, and to bring all that DC mojo you've earned back to the homelands and start a new phase in your career. And yes, the new hair color suits you.

I have many of the same thoughts you do about this blog. I haven't had much to say that I haven't already said, and I'm just tapped getting through some days intact so the blog is neglected. But not forgotten. It's like an old friend coming back here, and it's funny how excited I get about a post from someone who's taken a break for a while :)

Your request to the universe has a theme song. I heard Ryan Adams sing this on Letterman who liked it so much he asked him to play it again - Gimme Something Good. You deserve lots of good. Keep us posted. xo

http://youtu.be/vmglUwgtHxs

The Bug said...

My husband was in Louisville this past weekend - history conference at the Filson. Synchronicity! So I assume you've had the interview & that all went well.

Love the hair!

Kori said...

I just started writing on my blog again too. Something in the air. And I have missed you, not the blog but you, and am so sorry for causing you pain. And I love your hair.

SJ said...

Ms Moon: I love you to the...moon ;)

Mel: I love that song! Thanks for pointing me to it. I googled it right after you posted your comment. I'm glad we keep up on facebook now, but I always love when you blog too!

Bug: I got the job :) No one knows yet!!

Kori: Something must be! And no worries. Water under the bridge.

The Bug said...

Woo hoo!