For a little while now, I've debated pulling the plug on this whole blog. Something always stops me, but something these days also stops me from writing too. I don't know if I could call it "writer's block" since it's not as if I usually say anything profound enough to be considered a real "writer" -but, it's there, just the same.
So much has happened this summer to make me very grateful for the people in my life. I wish sometimes I could write out each day as it happens, but I just don't have time. I don't have time to blog at work and at night, I often want to leave the heavy thinking to tomorrow after a full day of often very intense work.
The thing that would make me saddest to shut down would be to feel like I was losing each of you - you wonderful women, who came along during these years, and always read and encourage me to keep going, keep pushing. Those that I have now known for years, those that I have grown close to and become friends with offline and into real life.
One of the biggest things I'm glad about after observing the blogging world from afar, is that I am so, so glad I never tried to monetize or expand this blog. I'm glad I never advertised; I'm glad I never wrote for "an audience." I'm glad I never decided to become a brand; I'm glad I never wanted to fill a niche. I never shared this space with my family or others close to me, save a very precious few. I never wanted to guard my words; I never wanted to think about how my thoughts would be perceived.
I wrote authentically for me, and I am so glad for our small community -each of you that found me, one by one, and said "you." Yes, I will become invested in you.
This summer, I went to the Jersey Shore. My first time ever going to Jersey, and I went with friends. How did I meet these friends, you ask? Well, my friend Denise who lives in Knoxville is a kick-ass doctor, a yogi, a woman with struggles that she is brutally honest about. A woman who has a funny husband and a cute daughter, and I would never have known her without this blog. I would have never have found myself on the Jersey Shore in July 2013, because I never would have found Mary Moon, who connected me to Maggie May, who connected me to Katie Allison Granju, who connected me to her sister Betsy, who connected me into her entire tribe of friends, including Denise.
Betsy's kids sometimes slip and call me "Aunt Stephanie" and each of them are special to me now. And it would have never been if it hadn't been for these women. These women! You, women. I am in awe of all the people my blog has brought to me in "real life" with a readership of what -- 10, total? 15?
I guess 1 is all you really need.
1 becomes 2 which becomes 5 which becomes bigger than I knew could be possible.
If you hang with me, I'll hang with you.
(Summer 2013, Avalon, New Jersey)
June visit -meeting my childhood best friend's son for the first time. Being his first babysitter. I think he digs me.
July 2013 -My softball team (scrapes and stitches for almost everyone) took second place in the summer tournament. Fall ball begins Sept 10.
6 comments:
OMG, you, you have been on my mind nonstop for two days.
I'm not one of those that has spilled into your offline life. I'm not one that you communicate with through commenting....because I gave it up - there's nothing to comment on. I share nothing with you, in "real" life...except this weird connection. That I'm reaching out to you and wondering where/how you are - suddenly missing you soooo much and BING, there you are. It's almost like I can hear you pick up the pen and paper (metaphorically speaking). This is like the 3rd, 4th, 5th time its happened? It's a sense of anticipation that suddenly gets fulfilled. It is the most gratifying feeling. I am so glad that you haven't given it up. So glad that you still do occasionally pop in. I love your sweetness, your positive heart and all the little sadness and joy that it contains.
I may not be on "the" list, we will probably never ever meet, but I'm on some list and I'm glad and grateful for this connection. I always miss you and there is a definite relief and awwww, when you do write. It's good!
This just makes me happy. Isn't life just the darndest thing some times?
Well you know you're one of my darlings and that's all there is to it. Sometimes I'm just so proud of you that I could burst.
Glad you're not shutting 'er down here. When you have something to say, it's a fine thing to have a place to say it.
Love you, honey.
So very glad you posted, and so, so very glad you didn't pull the plug.
I've had my so long and thanks for all the fish goodbye draft ready for years, years. And yet, I keep coming back, mostly because I need to share the things I see, and I love the people I've met here. But also? I spent a lazy afternoon perusing my old posts, wondering at the months I posted a lot, those I had nothing to say, and I found myself glad for the glimpses into my thoughts and my little world that are saved here. It's amazing what you can forget or smooth over with time, and it's a lovely thing to have this journal here, where you can always find it, to remind you of who and how you were. I've decided this is a good thing, no deadlines, no requirements, no minimum posts, just me checking in when I can. Just like you.
Love your pictures, love that you have crossed the virtual divide and made some great irl friends. Love how happy you all look at the shore. Next time, might I recommend Rehoboth in Delaware? It's a lovely little beach, and I'm partial to our sand and boardwalks :)
I am so glad for the voices and hearts I've found here, they are treasures.
xo
I don't comment often but when I see a new post from you (usually on someone else's blog roll) it makes me happy...I like your writing...so there is that.
Liv -- I thought of you when I wrote this, and knew I'd wake up to your comment. I was so happy to just KNOW that. Thank you so much for being here. Please stick with me.
MM -- I love that you are proud of me. That makes me smile and feel proud of myself too, knowing that. I love you so much.
Mel -- "thanks for all the fish" made me giggle out loud when I read that. I've never heard that expression, and maybe it was even a typo, but it just struck my funny bone for some reason.
AND, yes, I have considered Rehoboth, but I was looking at time/mileage and was really surprised to see it was just about what it was to get to Avalon! I think it's the Bay Bridge traffic that adds on so much hassle to get to that shore. I've been to Ocean City/Dewey, but never Rehoboth. I will have to ask you for some places to stay, though, because I'm thinking of taking a solo late summer trip.
Aint for city gals -- well, Hi there! Thank you for reading, and I loved seeing your comment pop up. It made my day to know someone else out there was reading.
SJ, so long and thanks for all the fish is from HitchHikers guide to the
Galaxy - if you have 3 minutes, you might like to listen to the dophin sing the song :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojydNb3Lrrs
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