Wednesday, January 23, 2013


And we spin and we spin,
as I let the world in
And we dance and we dance
as I watch the days pass.

My little poem there pretty much sums up this month for me. I honestly can't remember a busier one, and I'm so uncertain about everything that I broke out in stress acne on one side of my chin. Awesome.

Let's see. I had a friend stay here for about 3 weeks -we've been friends for so long, and even though we go such long gaps of time without seeing each other (he's a professional campaigner for democratic politics, and hops around the the country on different races), we generally can pick up where we left off. Somewhat. Knowing, too, that he is guarded  and knowing that our lives over the past ten years since we sat together sharing a desk in 2003 as summer interns in DC for the first time....well, they've changed. And we've changed.

But not so much that we didn't have three great weeks of cooking, and watching TV and reconnecting. Talks until midnight. Wondering will we/won't we? What is this?

He left mid-afternoon today, bound for another state -taking all his things with him. I didn't know. He sent me a hasty text while I was at work.

"Thanks for everything."

Gone. Abrupt.

Gone but gradually, is my best friend. The one I reference just a few posts down - we stopped communicating around the fall, and then Thanksgiving went, and Christmas hit, and I never called. And I would watch those with that easy give and take of comfort and it would hit me -I don't have a best friend anymore. Not a day-to-day one, as I did. I do have my wonderful best/forever friend, but we've been without each other for so long that our long absences don't phase us. We are just us. It's different when you lose someone that you had almost constantly.

We started reconnecting just this week. I am glad, but not glad at the same time. I have my arm out, keeping this at a distance.

It's interesting -- only in the last three years have I lost friends. Out and out lost them due to either a falling-out or an intentional separation. I've had those I've drifted from, certainly. But, it's a recent thing for me to shut people out. And even if those shutting outs have been for the best, it's still a different hat for me to wear.

Difficult, too.

But the tide ebbs and flows. Things come back even if they go away.

We can't blink.


liv said...

I was thinking about you tonight as I made dinner. Wondering if my "alone" friend SJ was in that place in her life where she cooked, I mean really cooked for herself..yourself. Hoping that you are feeding yourself well, no matter whether someone else is or not.

And then it was so nice to see that you had written tonight.

I'm glad you had a good old friend to stay for awhile and I am sad that you had one that slipped away. How could anyone let you slip away? But you are at that particular time when friends come and go. Later in life, they are either long gone or they've stuck around forever (bless them!).

Hope work slows down, hope you feed yourself well and if we lived close by and could be other than blogging friends, I would not let you slip.

SJ said...

I wouldn't let you slip, either, Liv.

Ms. Moon said...

Well, you know, we go through definite phases of our lives and we change and our friends change and sometimes we just drift apart and sometimes we violently break apart and sometimes there's sort of a middle ground.
Another really sucky part of life.
I'm sorry.
But I'm glad you had three good weeks with a different old friend. I really am.