Saturday, October 8, 2011

Then there's you

I guess if I needed to learn or remember anything throughout this journey, it's that an awful lot of people care about me. I have always known this, but it's something that I haven't felt in a very long time. It's like I've had some sort of barrier up, or a wall of my own self-centeredness, or a cloud of doubts hanging over my head--to be seen, but not touched. Not felt. Not where it mattered.

My best friend came up to spend a few days with me. She kept her head down, working frantically through her very busy time of year. I felt at times she was a million miles away from me while sitting beside me on the couch. Then she'd turn to me, smile, and ask what I wanted her to fix me for lunch and I remembered. I remembered to be grateful for every card people are sending me; every care package.

Mom was here for two weeks, and my dad is driving here as we speak. I was very glad to have a parent-break of a few days and get my head on a little straighter from so many days of my mother caring for me. I was grateful as all get out for it, but it is easy to regress when you're being actively parented long after you actually require it. I need help, yes, but I don't need parenting.

My dad is bringing with him his toolbox and his guilt about not being here for the brunt of the injury, the surgeries, the doctors appointments. I have no doubt he will absolve his guilt by fixing things that work, and by stuffing my face with things he grills.

I can't wait.

I am certainly not having the October I had planned on, nor that I wanted. I'm in a fair amount of pain still, although it's significantly less. Showering has taken on a whole new level of prep-work, and fixing myself a bowl of cereal and carrying it into the next room? Forgetaboutit.

But, I know, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt....I am lucky still.

Even still.


Ms. Moon said...

Well, if this injury has a silver lining, it is what you have just said. You are loved. And people are showing you that in a very tangible way.

Maggie May said...

I missed the break post in my feed somehow. Oh my gosh, you poor thing. I'm glad you have so much love around you. Big Hug. xo

Mel said...

I'm glad you are so well cared for, and trying to stay positive. I'd be in a wimpering ball by now, but my resistance is pretty low. Stay strong, keep healing and keep in touch. Hugs.

liv said...

LOL....oh my gosh dearie, when I first broke mine, my neighbor - who was the only person I was really in touch with - took off for two days at the beach. I couldn't even get water and crying for two days didn't help that situation much. Then I finally got in touch with my family who only seemed to realize that a broken ankle was a big deal after I screamed bloody murder at them till I thought I was going to pop a vein. They finally came through - everyone did - even reunited with a brother I hadn't seen for 17 years. So in the end we all made progress, even me. So I am sooo glad to hear you have people who get it and show up for you. Beautiful.
And remember to keep it elevated above your heart - it does it's best healing then. Best wishes !

TheAbsolutPINK said...

of course people care about you! I'm glad you are realizing how loved you are - always have been, always will.