Sunday, January 1, 2012

It is not going well.

There is a line from a movie, and I'll be damned if I can remember absolutely anything about it. Other than someone shouts (I think into a phone) with a lot of chaos and things going on around him. He shouts "It is not going well!"

So this is me, shouting that at all of you, so to speak. It is not going well.

2012 kicked off with me passed out on the couch, having drank too much Dayquil I guess. And overdosed on amoxicilian. I did have a big glass of red wine thinking that wouldn't be too big of a deal -- ha ha! I was asleep in about one minute after finishing it.

Let's see-- the day before last night, found me curled in a fetal position crying. All day. ALL DAY.

This may be a good time to mention that I was 8 days off my antidepressant, having left it at my office before going to Kentucky. When I came back, I guess I felt ok because I decided there was no time like the present to just toss that little sugar pill to the curb.

Sugar pill, my white ass. My head was spinning so fast that I almost passed out at Trader Joes last week. I realized the power these pills actually do have on my brain, and it scared me. I developed a cold, which I still have, even though I cried uncle and started taking it again 2 days ago. Symptoms for withdrawal actually include cold/flu symptoms. How bizarre is that??  Then again, THIS little fellow was sickly all through Christmas, and there was no way I could resist kissing that face again and we'll blame him, too :)

Christmas was alright. It actually went a little better than expected since I got to see my nieces and nephews at their own houses after Santa came, and it worked out okay after all. I think I made the whole thing a bigger deal than it really was--the issue of them wanting to be at home on Christmas Day and not with the whole family. They didn't mind if I was there, but they wanted to be at home lazing around with Santa presents, and I understand that when I stop looking at things through my "all about me" lens. I know how fast and fleeting these years of Santa are, and I am glad I got over it and didn't inadvertantly punish myself by not going over and seeing them.

Work is going to start kicking my ass to the next county, starting approximately tomorrow. We're officially closed, but I'm treating it like a regular work day, and I'm determined to start this off right. It's time for me to dig in with both heels and get through the next few months. I think when it's done, I'm going to take a small vacation.

It will not be a cruise.

But most likely...I'll go home to see these people. The last picture is me with my newest nephew, who is much much cuter than that picture portrays. He also doesn't have creepy white eyes like that. :) He's my last little bundle, as my sisters declare they are done.

All signs seem to indicate that I will be alone for the rest of my entire life. But...I guess fingers are crossed that someday, maybe, I'll contribute to the pack as well.

Happy 2012. Here we go again, ya'll.


Ms. Moon said...

You will contribute to the pack. You will.
I promise.

liv said...

SJ, Sorry this comment is so late in getting posted. I've been "gone" with surgery for the last 10 days and am just now sitting up for more than 2 minutes at a

Gorgeous pics of your niecies and nepheies. Of course you will contribute and he/she will be just as cute and so happy to have all those cousins doting.

Hope the cold is better by now and work is not too overwhelming. Always thinking of you and hoping things are going well. Be good to you !

Anonymous said...

I'm also late on the comment bangwagon. I tried call you - when can you talk? Saturday maybe? RJ is working and I'll be home. Let me know - I'm available via txt 24/7 :)

janzi said...

Good Lord Girl, you have achieved so much already... so what if you got in over your head in the first job, at least you did it and had a stab and I bet were bl.....dy good at it... don't beat yourself up,you are doing really well, and as for the babies, they will happen when its the right time, and probably when you are not looking, so enjoy each day for what it is, and thats all folks on the advice front.!!!!!.. I just stumbled across your blog just now and I am amazed at how much you have done in your young age.. I think you are marvellous, so there! If my girls had done as much by your age( and they did) I would have told them the same thing... you have taken the flag and run faster and further, so don't even think about not knowing what you are doing.. the secret is out... NO ONE actually does know what they are doing, WE ARE ALL flying by the seat of our pants, ha ha !!!! best wishes J