Sunday, May 3, 2009

Well, it's raining in Kentucky. But everything else is the same.

I got back after spending a week in Baltimore (and a day in DC) at midnight on Friday, on Saturday I went to fetch my cat from my parents house, and today, I'm tucked into my little apartment and had a day to beat all days--I stayed in pajamas all day & did nothing. It was a much-welcome repreive.

I did attempt to go for my walk, but the rain never really let up and I was afraid to go out in the drizzle in case it turned into a downpour. I got a few phone calls, but I wasn't in the mood to talk. I just wanted to sit with my book on the porch, and listen to the rain. So I did. I also spent a good deal of time watching a Golden Girls marathon ;)

What a week. We hold two major conferences per year, and they completely wipe me out by the time they're done. This is probably my seventh conference and this one seemed to be one of the most stressful I've experienced--just total lack of preparedness and scrambling to pick up pieces, and then we had a water main break in the city of Baltimore which cut off water (and well, bathroom use) for a day which was NOT good. And it also delayed travel and basically threw the city (and by extension, us) into uproar.

But we survived. By Friday, we were spent. On the bus ride to the airport, there were 6 of us crammed into a taxi/minivan and we had about a half hour ride. They were all talking a mile a minute, comparing notes on the week, and completely falling into the usual complain/bitch/whine mode that we seem to have mastered. I put my headphones on and watched as the rain came down and heard snippets of thier conversation while trying desperately to tune them out. As usual.

It was raining in Baltimore, and everything in the van was certainly the same.

And now it's Sunday night...the only time I seem to be writing these days =) I was approached with a few career opportunities while there (this seems to be happening more and more these days) and the time has come to consider them. I have run out of excuses, run out of reasons why not, and am mentally preparing myself for the next phase of my life. I feel like something big must be happening, to require this much quiet reflection and rumination. I can't even see my life past August at this point. I just have no idea where this is all going to take me.

I do know this -- I am going to be gentle with myself through whatever changes life is handing me. I'm in the process of trying my hardest to clear my negative thoughts that plauge me all too often, and remind myself to savor the moments I have instead of wishing them away. To love, without condition, the imperfect people in my life because I'm not perfect either. To keep making good choices because I stepped on the scale today and realized I've lost ten pounds that needed to be gone.

And to remember to make time for days like this, to allow for the quiet and to prepare for everything else. That won't be the same.

1 comment:

Ms. Moon said...

Wow. Sorry that Baltimore was such a disappointment but it sounds like you are making some very profound decisions deep in your heart which is good. I'm glad you took the time to be quiet yesterday. The rain is perfect for contemplation, isn't it? I wish for you all things good.