Home Is Wherever I'm With You

For some reason this week, I’ve been having more “one year ago today, I was doing XYZ” moments.  I think I’m trying to impress upon myself the significance of where I am in my life right now, because I’ve had no real time to absorb how many changes have taken place. 

One year ago today, I would be five days away from talking to my soulmate for the first time.  Not my only, first or possibly even last soulmate (I believe we have dozens, if we’re lucky, of all forms).  But my heart would grow several sizes, very soon, one year ago today and I had no idea.  It happens when you least expect it, right?  No longer expecting anything was an understatement for me, I was honestly thinking that love would never find me.  A cliché statement, but a true one.  I still have a hard time believing that a man loves me.  I am someone’s best person in the world.  I have never known this feeling before, and yet I’ve slipped into it like sliding into a warm bath – effortlessly and easily, and with a peace of mind that truly surprises me.

I’ve learned so much.  I didn’t know how to be with a man so comfortably.  I have always been a bit intimidated of men, and a little unsure of what to say.  I didn’t know I had the ability to have a man as my best friend, lover, heart connection, best thought. 

I also thought I knew about how to live and love with someone’s faults.  But I really didn’t.  I also am still a bit amazed that someone can love MY faults and weird flaws so much.  And here’s something I also find amusing – I’m still me.  I didn’t have to become a different person or version of myself, my job still sucks and my family is still crazy, and I’ve gained a few pounds and he still looks at me like he just took a drink of water on a hot day.

We are moving in together, to that house up there, with the actual white picket fence ;)


 He'll be moving in in a couple of weeks.  I move in September 1.  We are combining households, having talks about whose coffee table should go where, which room should his son have, where should the litter box be?  We have a new rug, a new couch.  We’re deliciously excited to finally be together every single day without it requiring logistics of driving from one’s home to another.  We’re together more than we’re apart anyway, although I know this is going to give us a new layer of learning about each other.  The only thing I’m a bit worried about is my occasional need for alone time.  I don’t have a ton of need for down time with him because being with him is like being with myself.  His skin feels like my skin; we begin and end with each other most days.   It’s taken a lot of work, but not at all, at the same time.

We’ll be in our home just before our one-year anniversary.  I swear to you…I didn’t see any of this happening in my wildest, weirdest, wonderful dreams. 

The couple we are renting from is about my parents age, and one is an author.  For a housewarming, he gave us a copy of his book – he wrote inside, “To Corey and Stephanie.  Life has many adventures; I hope you enjoy this one.”

Off we go, honeybunny.  You’re the best part of all my days.

Six Months

Six months ago we had our first date. 

Six months ago I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to have good sex. Six months ago I didn’t know what it was like to be adored.  I didn’t know what it was like to cook dinner with someone every night and cuddle on the couch. 

I didn’t know about having the hard conversations that would make me panic afterwards at how close we came sometimes to deciding to go our separate ways.

I didn’t know what it was like to keep holding hands after those hard conversations.

I told him the other day – you know you flipped my world upside down and inside out. In a good way, but still.  I don’t know how to do relationships that are loving, equally, with a future on the horizon if I want it. 

I am learning how to be someone’s girlfriend.  

Learning how to be someone’s dad’s girlfriend. 

Six Month Snapshots

*We stopped to see my grandmother and aunt on our way back from our first weekend trip away together, and had lunch with them. He’d never met my grandmother, and he slipped his credit card to me for me to go pay for everyone’s food even though money is very tight for him right now.   I walked back to the table, and see him helping my grandmother into her bright red coat as she leaned on her cane.  Heart, stomach, swoop.

*Walking into the living room to see him outside on my balcony with a stolen cigarette, holding his arm at an odd outstretched angle and bending down.  Looked closer to see he was holding smoke away from Allie (my cat), and gently brushing her.

*That vulnerable, almost sheepish look and small tentative smile when he got in the shower with me for the first time.  The awkward way we stood for a moment, looking at each other in fluorescent unforgiving light and smiling like idiots and pretending not to notice the significance of the moment.

*Gently brushing hands through my hair and over my skin, stroking me gently to sleep every night we’re together which is more often than not these days. 

(Blog-friends, I’m still here, still reading, still loving all of you)